The past few weeks haven’t been easy, I’ll admit. They’ve been so trying and so difficult and I’m so worn out. I know you are too. 

I don’t understand how people say it’s easy when you have it on lock. 

I thought I did. Yes, I was skeptical but with feeling this much love I thought it wouldn’t be this hard. But it is, it really is. 

The problem isn’t you, it never was, and never is. As I dwell on why this and that happened, it occurred to me that I am the very problem. I am incredibly flawed. I have too many insecurities and too many expectations. I never intend to bring all the stress but sometimes I just can’t keep myself all bottled up feeling the way I do. 

I don’t know how many more times we’ll have to do this, and how many more times we’ll spend on the phone going back and forth trying to fix this. 

But I know I want to keep doing this if it means I’ll still have you. I told you I’m grateful to be given this challenge because I know we’d overcome it and come out stronger, together. I told you that you’re my good karma. The equivalent of all the good things I’ve accumulated in this life. Despite, all that I know you also deserve good karma. You are an amazing person, the most patient, and caring. You are the everyone’s good karma. But you also deserve something good, someone good. Someone who will not put you through so much hurt and put you through so many hardships because of how vulnerable and deeply damaged they are. I’d like to keep trying to be that someone better for you. I’ll work really hard, and try my very best not to damage you. I wanna keep working on this. But if you think this relationship has run its course, I’d let go, so you can find your good karma.  

  • 4 weeks ago

#

The thought of leaving makes me the absolute saddest.

The thought of leaving you, and this home makes me sad. 

The truth is home is wherever you are, and I hate to leave it, even for a day. 

Now I have to leave for weeks, and if God forbid, maybe even for a month or more. 

It saddens me to think I won’t feel the serene comfort I feel every time I’m home.

Your clothes can serve as security blankets but only for a while, enough to mask the cold feeling, but while they serve that very purpose, they can heighten the sadness. 

I have nothing to hold on to, nothing to clutch on fridays, and any other day. I can only look forward to a daily phone call, and that one weekend out of (hopefully) every month that I get that overwhelming joy of actually being able to hold my entire home, my entire world at the very palm of my hands. 

I try to remind myself that the very reason I’m doing this, the very reason I’m leaving serves a purpose. I’m trying to understand that all of this will enable something for the better, that this is just a dot to connect to the rest of the dots that will form one big picture. A picture of the future.  

  • 1 month ago

Clarity

Whatever happens, I have the highest hopes in you and me. I fully believe we can do it. You’re my roc. 

  • 11 months ago

-

I could never stand the thought of hurting the most important people in my life. It breaks my heart to hurt them. I will die a thousand deaths before I can forgive myself for putting them in pain.

  • 1 year ago

I’m at that one point in my life wherein I’m absolutely terrified of everything. I’m perpetually sad and miserable, one little thing could make me lose all that I have. And now I’m standing here wishing I could turn back time.

  • 1 year ago
  • 1

"I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul."

  • 2 years ago

"I am a hard person to love but when I love, I love really hard."

Tupac Shakur   (via downwsociety)

(Source: seductionisdestruction)

  • 2 years ago
  • 465863

lovely-brains:

birutagme:

Colin Christian “Hardcore Pink”

Over a year old post.  But seriously, look how awesome it is.

A bit terrifying but so fucking awesome. Love it.

(Source: mynameisbiru)

  • 2 years ago
  • 73

Knowing myself I probably wouldn’t want to admit how in love I am with you, but here I am saying that I do. I’ve never been more attracted to anyone before and never have I felt this way. You’re perfect. The moments I spend with you are perfect. The fights, are stupid but there’s nothing more rewarding and nothing I look forward to than making up with you. Fuck, all I want to do is spend every waking moment with you. And that’s only a small portion of how you make me feel. ❤

  • 2 years ago

stylistatheart:

Taken with Instagram at Qloak

  • 2 years ago
  • 3